Celebrating Motherhood

A day I have dreamed of for years finally showed up today. We encountered many trials during our journey to parenthood. Seth & I were married in December of 2005 and talked about starting a family soon afterward. Praying, timing, stressing & trying not to stress got us nowhere. We weren't getting pregnant effortlessly like so many other couples. Countless doctors appointments later, they could find no cause for our troubles and stamped my chart with the label "unexplained infertility." What a disheartening diagnosis. To me, it was more of a dismissal. We visited the fertility clinic at Baptist Hospital and underwent months of treatment with high hopes to no avail.

I have always wanted to adopt even before I was aware of our fertility issues. When we saw that biological children may not be in our future, we stepped into the world of social services, night classes and home visits. Just before we were to complete our homestudy to be licensed...after jumping through every hoop they placed before us, my grandfather was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My world stopped. I have an amazing husband who values family as much as I do. He allowed me to quit work to take full-time care of Pa. What a bittersweet blessing. I felt honored to be his rock during the pain and sorrow he was facing. He took such great care of me as a child that it wasn't even a thought to not return the favor. I spent almost every hour with Pa from October until March 23rd 2009 when he passed. I wish he would have known the blessing that was going to enter our family.

On April 22nd (not even a month after he passed) I found out I was pregnant. What a glorious morning that was. I was a week late and decided to test. I remember being oddly calm. I knew in my heart that my life would never be the same when I returned home from the store with the pregnancy test...yet, I didn't want to get my hopes up. I sat the test at my feet after I took it. When I glanced down before standing up, I noticed a plus sign. Plus?! Thats means POSITIVE!!! With tears streaming, I was praising God so hard I couldnt even pull up my pants. Our family had begun. After 41 weeks of being pregnant with anticipation, Paisley Jane was born. Lesson learned: His timing is perfect and wisdome infinite.

And here I am today, celebrating my new role as a mother. What a joy she is. She has taught me so much about life and the depths of love I couldn't fathom before parenthood. Through the sorrow of losing such an important part of our family, we were given a reason to rejoice. Joy truly does come in the morning.

A Servant for You

This may sound simple to you & thats ok. Some of the most enlightening moments I have had seem mundane when I repeat them. I remind myself not to compare my conversations with God to others because that moment was for me to learn and grow. Recently, the word serve kept tumbling around in my head. Like flashes, I would get more of an understanding of how it related to me...until finally it all fit together in my heart.

The dictionary defines serve like this:

1. To have a definite use.
2. To answer the purpose.
3. To render assistance.
4. To be favorable, suitable or convenient.

I act as a servant to my daughter, rendering her assistance until she is able to complete her tasks. I try to serve my husband and be favorable to him. I want to serve my community and have a definite use. Many times, especially as women, we try to be and do everything for everybody. Often, we fail to serve ourselves and run low on energy and love. Instead, we complete tasks with bitterness and resenment...wondering "what about me?" This is where the word 'no' comes into play. Prioritize, do what you are able to and allow someone else to do the rest.

Serving God, however, should not involve the word 'no.' He is aware of your abilities, weaknesses & limits. He will never ask you to do something without equipping you first. You may think you aren't capable of fulfilling His request but deep inside of you, the potential has been planted. The first or even fortieth attempt may result in failure but God doesn't view it as such. Just as practice and an opportunity to exercise your faith. I'm not even sure that its the product He is interested in as much as your willingness to be obedient and trust in Him.

I have also learned that serving Him requires silence as much as speech...stillness as often as movement. I had to rethink my view on the word serve since it is classified as a verb. An "action word" if we were in elementary school. Waiting, listening & observing are also verbs. Less physical exertion is involved but more restraint is required. Moral of the story: I must slow down, calm down & quiet down in order to hear from Him and serve Him in the way that He desires.